Once Upon a Crime

Today, while driving around Orlando, I encountered a store called 'Once Upon a Child.' I thought about stopping to check it out but then thought better of it because I didn't want to get arrested for supporting Child Pornography. Now, before I get sued, I don't think the store actually sells child porn, but the tripod, camera, turkey baster, and bag of candy in the back of my minivan would surely had made me look a bit suspicious to any passing police officers with strict legal mores and X-Ray vision.

Still, 'Once Upon a Child' does seem like a terrible name for anything, condoms and lingerie especially, but stores as well. Basically, any phrase that sounds dirty when used as an answer to the following questions should be prohibited from use in public: 'Where was the best place you ever went on vacation?' 'How do you go to Cleveland?' or 'What should we title our new fairy tale film about Prince Michael of Jackson?'

Also, the store's proximity to Party City makes it even more suspicious considering that the strip mall that contains them is in Orlando, a city with several colleges and more than enough elementary schools to go around. Also note that according to the internet, Orlando has 2,601 registered sex offenders in that shopping plaza and neighboring rooftops alone.

My point is, owners of 'Once Upon a Child,' maybe you should have thought a bit more before titling your store as you did. Perhaps consider changing it to something tamer like: 'To Love a Child' or 'Toys-n-Us' or 'TGIU12.' Just a few thoughts.